Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
This verse has been on my mind for the last few years, so meditating on it this week was very sweet. I have been challenged by this verse with the reminder that we, as humans, are created with a longing. A longing for something that we all have trouble “putting our finger on”, at times. Even Especially this “I’ve been a Christian since I was 6 years old” girl who knows a lot in her head but so often has a disconnect from head to heart. For a large majority of my life I have struggled with making God an emotional priority in my life.
Though I have been blessed with the privilege of calling him my Savior for so much of my life, it has still been far too easy to get distracted by the things of this world. I have known (in my head) for years that, yes, even logically, I have the fullest of joy available to me and more pleasures than I could ever think to seek after. He is the answer to my longing. Logically and emotionally. Yet my heart and emotions are weak, still trying to find joy in the fleeting pleasures of shopping, eating out, beauty, stuff, success, friendship status and much more.
Honestly, I hesitate to even post these thoughts because I want to “save face” and keep looking like the young, Christian woman who has a strong faith in God, is desperately in love with Him and is not caught up in such frivolous things. But I am done with that. I want to be real, not fake. I want to be able to be honest, even if that means honestly admitting that I am not as sanctified as I would like people to think I am.
My prayer, not just for 2012, but for the rest of my life, is that God would daily increase my longing for more of Him and decrease my longing for clothes, fitting in, making certain friends, and a life of ease. That every day when I wake up, I would really, truly look forward to spending the day in his presence where fullness of joy can be found. And I know that this will look different through the various stages of my life. Not necessarily an hour or two of reading the Bible and praying before my family gets up in the morning…I might be lucky to get 5 minutes, or I might get no time before they are up. But whether I start my day with an official “devotion time” or not, I can spend my day lingering in God’s presence by praying: asking for his help, surrendering my selfish thoughts and desires, praising him when I have fun with my child(ren), thanking Him for beautiful weather; and also by meditating on his Word: thinking about the Fighter Verse(s) for that week, posting Scripture around my house (it doesn’t have to be a beautifully framed, expensive piece of decoration), looking for verses that I could use to encourage my husband or others, etc.
Having said all of that, I feel I must explain that my prayer is two-fold. The second part is that I would find fullness of joy in His presence not merely with the mindset of, “Of course I should do this. It gets me what I want. I would be crazy not to do the one thing that will gain me fullness of joy.” I also hope that the more I find my satisfaction in Him, the more I live a life that reflects Him. I want people to look at me and see a beauty that is different from the world’s idea of beauty. I want them to see a woman whose longing is fulfilled by the only One who can fill theirs. And I want them to ask how they can filled by Him, too. Not for my glory, but His.
*this week’s Fighter Verses are Romans 15:1-2
